Okay, so I don't normally do movie reviews but I had an interesting night and felt the need to talk about it.  First off, transformers attracts two kinds of people, the oldskool geeks who I was having a fun conversation with outside.  and the small penis dickcheeses with big cars that burn off half the tank to rev up so people will look at them.  Hearing twenty of them fire off at once just made me want to get one of those bags of potatoes at 5 guys and make a firework show.
Also I had a moment where I heard the row behind me playing the color game like we used to back at wake tech, 'burp'  'yellow'  'purple' 'seven'  It reminded me of the old group.
Also I pissed off the guy infront of me by cracking on harry potter through the entire trailer.  did he do anything about it?  nope.

now the movie.  this first bit is things you're going to know right off the bat from the commercials.  I really hate teen dramas...even when I was one.  so watching sam's parents go ape shit and embarrase him in college was tired and boring and I kept wanting someone to blow something up.  Yes we get that sam embarrases easily and his mom is a ding bat.  can we get to the explosions?  Of course sam is going to meet some hot college girl and his gf will walk in on him at the exact wrong moment because that's what happens in imaginary college world.  if that imaginary college was anything like ecu half the girls in that shoot would have had green slime dripping from between thier legs.  fucking stupid.  also they found a new token black car to replace Jazz...not so much offensive as kinda sad.

[spoilers}
I really fucking hate how in hollywood every movie has a love story.  when sam was dead I remember saying, 'its cool just tell him you love him and he'll spring back to life.  how bout some originality?  If sam's parents had died of cancer at the end of the first movie I think we would have all been better off.  don't get your shitty family comedy in my action movie!  I liked what they did with jetstream, that was cool.  but that was not devistator.  devistator can stand upright and is not a giant device to sift sand.  the transformation was pretty cool but they brought back the most annoying character in the last movie.  the decepticons talked more which was nice and starstream did his whole 'glorious megatron i was just keeping your throne warm while you were gone'  I missed that.  the last hour was a clusterfuck which was pretty great.  and even though they didn't do it 'traditionally'  they nailed soundwave. 
[/spoilers]

bottom line, it was good but predictable and action packed.

HPmike

We've all had our lives turned upside down before.  Friends become enemies, enemies become friends, girlfriends become crazy.  Stuff changes.  After the ritual 'giving back of the exes stuff they left at your house' which I try to do before the breakup if I see it coming from far enough away.  You are left with your memories which haunt you for a while depending on your coping strategy.  If you're like me and you spend so much time and effort hating the person until you forget what you were hating in the first place and let healing begin, then it'll be a little while.  So, how does one destroy a memory?  I've come to several conclusions.

Obviously, temporary solutions are no good.  You can't drink away a memory, or you can but it'll be waiting for you the next morning with a baseball bat.  Besides, anyone who lets an ex get to you to enough to take drastic measures like drugs or god forbid personal injury doesn't deserve to forget.  suffer through, you'll be stronger later.

A memory can be degraded.  Your memories are special and unique to you.  you can make them less special.  If you and your sweetie did something together that you discovered, do it with someone else; not a new sweetie mind you, that just makes you a cad, but a friend or family member, hell, throw a party.  It'll be fun.

Likewise, if there was a special secret about yourself that you only told that one person and that's what made it special, then maybe its time to share a little.  knowledge is valuable based on how useful it is and how many people know it.  something to think about eh?

A while back my friend Tommy told me that he had to attend a funeral for an old friend who had taken his own life.  It was only after the funeral that I realized two things:  First, that this friend had killed himself over a girl.  Secondly, that this friend was catholic.  Since this isn't exactly common knowledge I feel I should point it out.  A catholic can be forgiven of just about any sin by confessing and atoning for it.  Suicide however is the one unforgivable sin because once it is done there is no way to go to a booth and confess it.  To them, you are literally damning yourself.  When I asked Tommy how the people at the funeral were he said, 'kinda sad, and very angry.'  I remember thinking to myself, 'what a fucking waist.'  Life always goes on, that's the whole point

okay, done with my rapid fire session.  In retrospect I should have written 'these are coming rapid fire' in this rant and 'that's all in the first one.  ah well, i'll leave things as the are.

HPmike

This coming weekend it will be time once again for Animazement.  Now, I'm not going to talk about what I will do this year then promise you a con report I will be to tired to deliver on sunday.  Instead I'd like to take a moment to tell you want I want to acomplish by doing this.

In the last year I've felt myself falling out of the anime geekdom.  I retained all knowledge from my otaku days and could still rattle off character attacks and names (ama kakeru ryu no hiromeki.  so ha!) But the fandom has been doing thier level best to piss me off.  Dating a Narutard for a few months will destroy anyone's love of the genre btw.  When I first started going to AZ I was 18 and the average age there was around 20.  Now I'm 25 and the average age is 15.  Also, some people in the scene, not to name names, think that being annoying is cool and makes you popular...and that saying 'penis' as fast as you can won't get you punched in the face.  I remember in otakon 06 when I challenged someone who was getting on my nerves to walk down an alleyway in downtown baltimore chanting some of the things she was saying in the con.  Suffice to say my challenge went unanswered.

What I'm looking for is a different kind of connection.  This is supposed to be a place where you can talk to anyone about anime or video games and not get the slack jawed expression I've come to expect from day to day.  I remember at Nekocon 08 when I stayed in a 10 story hotel where the floors made a giant funnel with a courtyard in the center.  I was in my PJs and a wife beater.  I went through the breakfast line and discovered that there were no empty tables so I asked a stranger if he minded me sitting with him.  We talked for about an hour, about the genre, about where it was going, about the art behind it, the creation of ideas.  It was actually alot of fun.  I miss that, I really do.  And to be honest...I blame 4chan.

4chan, for those of you who don't know is a huge image forum in which all posts are done annonamously.  So, imagine if you had zero acountability for what you said or did on the internet, no screen name and no way of tracking you down.  Somehow, they've managed to cram sodam and gramora into a fax machine and assemble it on the net but unfortunatly god wont be turning anyone on it into salt.  This is the site that made racism and vore (basically sexual arousal to blood and guts) into something funny and they go to cons thinking they're still annonamous and make asses of themselves and make the rest of us look bad by proxy.  So, unless someone can prove to me that there are still a few mature anime geeks left, otakon this year will be my last blast.  hope you're looking forward to it like I am.

now you know why I sign my writings

Headphone Mike

PS:  side rant

If you have a warcraft account, and you've given your guy a detailed backstory...kill yourself.  Here's your backstory, you tried wow and you liked it.  you made a canned character who is a race/class/spec and you're killing things in the wild and your other team.  that's your fucking backstory!!!   Its just a game, wake up!

I have no problem with fanfiction in and of itself.  the problem is that it's only signifigant to you and a small fanbase if you have one.  ever been to fanfiction.net?  alot of it is hypathetical conversations, bad crossovers and fanboy/girl beatoff material.  It serves no purpose and is usually poorly written....though there are exceptions.

Basically, fanfiction.net is an ocean of shit.  no one wants to really dive into an ocean of shit, you just kinda watch it float by.  and if you are a wonderful writer capable of writing beautiful jems that are deep, controvercial or relavent, you are throwing them into an ocean of shit.  and I certainly dont want to read it online or at a con, because it is either made of or covered in shit!!!

god I feel better now.  see you next week everyone.

now that I'm living in raleigh I find I have more free time on my hands from not having to drive a half hour one way to do anything with the people I care about.  I was playing rockband on tommy's x box for a while and getting pretty good.  I can 100% most medium songs and I'm working on hard.  It's really a huge learning curve having to move your hand up and down the guitar instead of assigning one finger to a color and letting the bars fall down the screen.  It's relaxing, especially since I downloaded about 20 metal tracks from xbox live because I was tired of hearing eye of the tiger.

While I'm still a jack of all traids when it comes to music I've found myself enjoying metal alot more.  I love the complexity and the fast paced drumwork.  Paul introduced me to folk metal which is an interesting combination of...well, obviously folk music and heavy metal.  Such bands as Turisas, Fintroll, Ensiferum and Korpiklani have really caught my attention lately.  I've never really had a real objection to folk music, as long as it had a beat to it.  but it's unconventional and I really like that.

Warcraft.  that's right, even though Kelly and I broke up I still play.  I have a lvl 46 on one server, a 42 on another and a few other characters along the way.  Now I know some of you may think me a hypocrite for talking so much trash about it for so many years...and I stand by that.  Originally myself Tommy and Horton were going to get warhammer online and make a three man team of awsome.  Then the new expansion pack for WoW came out and most of america went, 'oooooh shiny' at once and I found myself the only person on my server which is a pity because warhammer was a better game.  Since it was based off of the mineatures game it had more of a battle feel to it.  You were always in a warzone no matter where you were in town, and the PvP zones had a lasting effect on you in the main world.  Basically, it felt like a war instead of a farmland.  I seem to have a unique ability most wow gamers haven't picked up yet, it's called the ability to turn the game off when real life happens.  I don't play when I have company over, I don't play when I have something better to do and I don't let it consume my time like some other people I've seen in the past.

I know it's been a little while.  You take this site off your explorer startup and you forget it exists.  I've had a few of these ideas clunking around in my head on something I want to write so these are going to come rapid fire.

I joined the goth scene many years ago in early college.  I'll be the first to admit that I look good in black but that wasn't the deciding factor.  A lot of bad rumors were going around about me.  Some of them made me doubt who I really was.  Some of the guys in the scene took me in, said they didn't care about rumors and chit chat.  They said it wasn't important and it didn't take away from who you really were.  Great msg right?  I believe goth.com (if it hasn't been taken over by emos) described the scene as a subculture that emphesizes free expression and not discouraging taboo subjects.  More importantly, it made me feel different and that was fun.

When I got to ECU the problem was made worse.  I felt like I had to look different to avoid fitting in.  In my first week I ran into alot of douchbags who were just out to make someone miserable besides themselves.  I wanted to scream it from the top of the sounding wall, 'i am not like you!'  to all the frat boys and spoiled brats running around.   When you're sitting in the back of a class room trying to pay attention and when you shush the girl next to you who's making out with her boyfriend during class you should know there's a problem.  When she said, 'its okay if I fail, daddy will buy me another semester' I wanted to drag her out of the classroom by her bleach blonde hair and break her face against a toilet.

I did meet some good friends at ECU, people who were different in thier own way without wearing a trench coat and fingerless gloves everywhere...though we had a night where I loaned several of them my wardrobe and we went out to eat.  It was fun.  The bottom line is that I had to find people I could talk to.

So, why the title of this post you ask?  Because the goth scene isn't what I was promised anymore.  Everytime I go there I say hi to a few people, talk to the people I see outside of the goth scene and say my goodbyes while paying 6$ for a budweiser because they ramped up the price a few months ago.  Plus that, people there gossip; alot.  Every few weeks someone will come up to me and say something like, 'hey, so, i heard that this got said and i want to know your side before I made decisions.'  I really hate that.  It's nice they ask and all but rumors still go flying around, and badly.  I'm sitting here at a club in a scene throwing my money away to a place that lets rapists and con men run around like they're entitled to something..now, that's not everyone mind you but a few bad apples do spoil the barrel.

I wrote this because I'm not proud of being a goth anymore.  It's just a stupid title and an affinity for black clothing.  What's the damned point?  I may still show up at the club on occasion because there are some interesting people there who are worth talking to but I don't consider myself a goth anymore...

I'm just me

HPmike

When I got to work today my good friend let me borrow her copy of 'nightmare revisited' a new nightmare before christmas album featuring modern artists covering classic danny elfman songs.  For those of you who might not know.  Last year they released the fifteen year aniversery collection of the NBC soundtrack (should probably come up with a better abbr. for that) Which featured 5 remakes by popular artists and 5 danny elfman song tests.  For the record I like his version of the oogie boogie man better then the movie version because danny elfman has this unique grind to his voice that just makes him sound sinister when he's singing.  The track from this album that made the biggest impact was maralyn manson covering tihs is halloween, which was first played at the MTV horror movie awards three days before the album release, I know I was watching it.  One year hence, the corporation in thier infiniate stupidity/wisdom decided, 'well the last one went well, let's do it again.'  A statement that has gotten hollywood into so much trouble I'm suprised that the ground hasn't opened up and swallowed them whole...yet.  The danny elfman song tests were my personal favorite part of that album, including him singing 'kidnap sandy claws' and doing all three voices as individuals...a concept rise against CLEARLY forgot when singing 'making christmas' 

After listening to sweeney todd enough I came to the conclusion that a score for a movie is more then a few songs.  It's a series of repeating melodies that are used and reused and crossed over through out the musical experience.  As such there is kind of a grander theme that was completely destroyed in this album because Korn, all american rejects, ami lee (don't rush me) and the yoshida brothers, whoever the hell they are sound NOTHING alike.  Now, keep in mind throughout all of this that I love covers and remixes.  I think it's neat to hear one artist's take on another artist.  Music is art, art is evolution, it has to evolve and change and I think they failed misserably at this.  Now for a disectional...

maralyn manson - this is halloween.  I know what you're thinking, 'didn't you say that this was on the first remix album'  well you're right.  It earned the place of track 3 on this CD because we weren't tired of it already.  I comfort myself by saying that at least he did a better job then Panic at the Disco who can go right ahead and die for what they did to in.  The only solice I take in that version is that they had most of the instruments needed to recreate some of the sounds but that doesn't change the fact that it sucked balls.

Korn - kidnap mister sandy claws.   Finally, a little innovation.  I can't tell if John Davis had Monkey and Head doing the other two voices of the three kids, but he made it sound different enough to create the experience of a conersation between the three and the fact that they are plotting and scheeming something...unlike she wants revenge who did a passable job last time.  Hearing Korn do the 'la lala lalala' part was actually inspired.

Ami Lee - something in the air.   OH dear god.  I think it's great that your band fired its basist, the only real tallent the band had (listen to whisper and lies if you don't believe me) then went on tour with the same 1 album to stick it to him.  I admit I used to have a huge crush on her when fallen came out...especially after hearing how much better origen sounded, and how much better wake me up sounded without the fucktard from 12 stones screaming like he's part of a death metal band in the background.  After being exposed to lacuna coil (and seeing them live twice) and nightwish, even to a lesser extent within temptation and leaves eyes...ami lee needs to finish going through puberty before she can be taken seriously as a singer.  Back to the song, this was neither better nor worse then fiona apple doing it last time.  A female vocalist melodically covering sallys song?  no?  Really?  If this album wanted to show me it's innovation it should have had ami doing 'what's this' and rise against doing sally's song.   The only saving grace would have been if Ami had done what she did in My Immortal radio version where a decent guitar solo played toward the end....but she didn't.  Finally, ami lee has inspired a generation of teenage glamour goths this degrading those of us who dress as such with a reason and can eat a dick.

Flyleaf - what's this?   holy crap she can actually sing without putting the microphone down her throat and doing her best impression of the girl from Kitty?  good for her!  I can tell she's trying at least, which is refreshing.  I'm so sick of 'i'm so sick'  nuff said.

danny elfman - Opening and closing.  FInally!  he's talking again.  These are nice but no match for patrick stewart as a disemboddied skull.

Shiny toy guns - finale reprise.  YOU IDIOTS!!!  This was your one chance to save the album.  The original reprise was snipits from all the songs in the album in this beautiful finish.  I used to love listening to the bells from 'what's this' melt gently into the horns of 'oogie boggie song'  If you had all the artists playing thier parts or at least all the other songs mixed together you might have saved this album. 

On to a happier note.  My favorite band; Ra released thier latest album, black sun.  I have been a fan of these guys since day 1.  I own 'from one'  'duality' and even 'RAw' the live album.  Ra is a band supposedly inspired by the police with a distinct egyption flavor.  I think it sounds more like old iron maiden with a hint of godsmack until they covered 'everything she does is magic' at which point I saw the resemblance.  This first album was obviously them trying to find thier sound.  I can tell because on their site there was a poll asking, 'asside from you call my name what is your favorite song off this album?'  I of course chose skorn, the ultimate breakup song later made better and more angry by mashing up a song by ludicris in RAw.  This album featured a lighter sound then Parole or even Fallen Rock Zone.  The first track, broken hearted soul had that old sound I'd come to love and later on the song Don't Turn Away which was featured as a bonus track on RAw.  These guys continue to produce good music that grows better as you listen to it like a fine wine on the second sip.

Broken Hearted Soul.  A nice heavier guitar sound.  Sajah, the lead singer again makes use of thematic pauses in the music to begin the refrain which is quickly becoming his style, though I do wish he'd break out the soukar agin.

Don't Turn Away.  One of my favorite lines from a ra song.  This brings back memories of Sky from the first album where the first minute or so then having the song heat up just close enough to the begining to where you want to sit back and enjoy instead of fast forwarding to the 'good part'  which I do to My Immortal every time it comes up on shuffle on my playlist. (see my previous rant on ami lee)

Waist of Space.  This song was an obvious slam on thier agent who was screwing the band out of money before this album was released.  Between each verse is Sajah doing his impression of the manager reassuring the band that the things going wrong are just minor setbacks.  This isn't nearly as awsome of him doing his impression of his exgirlfriend reading a dear john letter out loud in Skorn.  Good for you, but I am reminded of 'Death on Two Legs' by Queen who had pretty much the same idea in mind and did it with five times the insulting.  Good for you Freddy.  Still a good song but not as angry as Skorn where he blatently says, 'everything that came out of your mouth was fucking shit' in the live version.

I believe again.  This is a refference to I believe, a song off From One which features a faster pace and an almost identical refrain.  This reminds me of track 6 off of Duality where he says, 'so you just sit there stuck afraid to risk reality' quoting lyrics from the last album.  This line began the second first of thier first radio release Do You Call My Name, and the song that got me into the band.  To me, it's kind of nice that they refference thier own material.  It ties the albums together and provides coheasion which is entirely different from glorifying ones own bakd *cough*limp bizkit*cough*kid rock*cough*2/3 of all the rap artists out there. and the sound is different enough to where a listener won't say, 'they're just reusing melodies'  I remember the day I figured out that how you remind me and someday somehow by nickleback were the same FUCKING background music, or basshunter the sweedish techno band I used to like until I realized he only had two melodies.  listen to botten anna and now you're gone if you don't believe me.

This is one of the few bands I will buy religously.  I like them and want them to do well.  Going back to waist of space, I was once told by a leadsinger of a local band that small record labels tend to be better then larger ones for small bands because the label must invest in the band as well as the band relying on the label.  This creates a mutually benificial relationship instead of a large label who doesn't care about it's individual band and throws them a check everytime it wants something new on it's wall.

lata
HPmike

Okay, this is an usual topic for me.  Not exactly having a religeon puts me in the 'you didn't vote you can't complain category' so I decided to do something constructive.  Let's see what happens.

As many of you know I am the son of a preacher man, and for the record that song was a lie.  I was in the public eye alot, to the point where my father would say, 'here's a black sabbath album, enjoy it but if someone from the church asks you're listening to queen.'  Whoever you are, you have to work really hard to hate queen.  Mom was actually more conservative a christian then dad was.  But I go on, I had to do alot of activities at the church, some of them were rather I wanted to or not.  It was a small church and there weren't alot of other 9 year olds running around.  One of these was a tubing trip in the mountains.  Since I was so young I got a two man tube to share with my mother.  This is before I learned to swim btw.  At one point the current was to strong and I had no way to attatch myself to another raft or a passing object and we were seperated from the group.  The currents are also leading us close to the low hanging trees which were near the 'beware of falling snakes' signs.  As you can imagine, I was panicing.  Mom kept trying to reassure me, 'it's okay.  let's prey'  and then she procedes to close her eyes and say outloud things like, 'oh god, please help us get back to the other group.'  'and please help us stay calm while this gets sorted out.'  I remember screaming at her, 'why don't you actually do something useful?'  On the drive home I remember sitting there thinking about what I said.  I figured a real christian with real faith would have believed that god would have lowered his hand and put us back on the other track, or at least made a tree fall and given us something to cling onto so we could get out of the river.  I didn't think for one second that either of those things would have happened.  After having religeon jammed down my throat my whole life I realized I didn't actually believe it.  I didn't trust god to solve my problems and for a nine year old, that's a big deal.  Mom blames herself for me being agnostic.  I can't seem to make her understand that it wasn't the tubing trip that messed me up, it was just the catalyst to me coming to that conclusion that I would have come to eventually.

Well, that's depressing enough, so, I'd like to talk about my first religeous experience.

My first semester at ECU I was taking a class in drug and alcohol abuse.  Since my psych credits wouldn't transfere into my major I decided to use them for my minor, which actually put me most of the way through it.  One of our assignments was to attend a support group.  I chouse narcotics anonymous because it was close to campus.  The only thing that really bothered me was that it took place in a church.  I recanted the epesode of south park where Stan's father goes to AA and is told that alcoholism is a disease and that if you don't accept jesus christ as your personal savior you're going to relapse.  I decided to do my usual routine of putting people off so I showed up wearing black shorts with chains I got at hot topic (they broke three weeks later and it was the last thing I bought there so leave me alone) my boots that resemble those worn by william murderface from metalocalypse and a black tshirt.  What suprised me most was that the man who was leading the meeting came in, set up his things and the first words out of his mouth were, "i'm ______ and i'm an addict"  That floored me.  I'd always seen these things run by stodgy government workers or old people with long hair and burkenstocks.  I listened to all the people and when it came my turn to introduce myself I simply said, "I'm Mike, I'm a drug and alcohol abuse student and I'm here to learn."  I was so worried people would think I was looking down on them but a few people actually applauded.  During the meeting I felt a sensation of community and a kind of openness that I had never felt before.  These people honestly cared about each other.  It was explained to me that when the rules of AA said, 'give yoruself to a higher power.'  they weren't talking about god, though some people took it to mean that, they were talking about the group.  You give yourself to the group.  Several people after the meeting came up to me and hugged me.  This is more a NA then an AA tradition of hugging.  I'm not sure why.  I spoke to the director afterward.  We talked a little about my classes and ECU.  I told him I was worried people would have taken my presence there the wrong way.  He looked right at me and said, 'We need people like you to help people like us and I hope you learned something tonight."  He walked away after that.  I found a wall out of sight from anyone outside the church, fell to my knees and wept openly.  I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like that before.  As I walked home blasting oliander on my rio (this was before the rio broke) I eventually came to the conclusion that this is what religeon is supposed to feel like.

Some things are happening in my life that may cause me to give religeon another chance.  I felt like I had to get some of this down on paper (take that however you want) to explain where my views of religeon come from.  And I rarely tell stories from before high school because that's a part of my life I'd rather pretend never happened, but it did.  What these two experiences taught me is that a religeon isn't just a 'my god is right and good things will happen to me if I do something."  It's a set of values that you personally believe in.  It's not an excuse, it's not a crutch, and it's not a competition.

thank you

HPMike

 Alright, in my dealings with the fairer sex as of late, I have noticed a disturbing trend that I feel the need to vent about.  Basically two phrases keep coming up that I find very frustrating to the point that i want to cock smack someone every time they are used seriously in conversation!  Here goes.

1)  You don't understand.  Unless it involves death or an amputee I probably have an inkling of what you're going through in your current situation.  If not, take the ten seconds to explain it to me.  I'm sure It will bring us worlds closer in the conversation we're having.  A recent example was at the club when I said, 'it's time to go'  and one of my friends who I was generous enough to give a ride home to remarked, 'but i want to stay here with my boyfriend.  You don't understand how hard it is to leave someone you care about.'  It took all my willpower not to bounce her head off the fucking bar, especially when she knows as much of my history as she does.  Not only did she break one of the fundamental rules of riding in my car (no smoking, no sex that doesn't involve me and no high schoolish giggling.) to rub it in my face that she had finally found 'true love'  a concept I don't believe in. but then remarked that I had no idea what she was going through being torn from the arms of her lover who she would text the entire way home and see the next morning.  This is just one of many examples.  Basically, I have come to the understanding that this like is a cheap excuse to justify doing something illogical without a valid argument.

2)  But I love him.  A friend of a friend who will remain nameless is currently dating a guy who is married with a kid in another town.  He is living in her house even.  Not only does the guy not do anything or pay sa single bill but when asked, 'well why don't you just drop him?'  to hear the reply, 'because I love hom.' almost made me go off the deep end.  What the BULLSHIT?  I think it's great you're already concerned about dying alone and need company that badly but i assure you, you can do better.  Who ever you are, there are better people out there then the one you're dating, find them.  Don't recruit some poor sucker who's an honest to goodness nice person and use them to complain about your relationship.  I've seen this scenario play out in a million different situations, guy cheating on girl, guy abusing girl, guy hitting on girl's sister, guy using girl to avoid police, and my personal favorite...guy cheating on girl for months at a time and asking the girl out again to avoid paying child support!  'sure he cheated on me in the past and I gave him 4+ chances and he's probably out cheating on me while we're having this conversation...but I love him.'  I'm sure he writes really good poetry or cries after he takes a swing at you but this is not going to get any better, you fucking...nieve...little...girl!!!  At first I decided that i was going to be a jerk and watch girls like this flock to me, but that isn't me.  Then I decided to be a crusader who stops this kind of thing when I see it.  Now I just don't give a fuck.  I have seen this happen three times in the past month and alot more in my lifetime and i am sick of it!  And I especially don't like being concerned and having it thrown back in my face.

DONE
Heartless

Those of you who know me know that I am into a few unusual practices, such as dressing up as anime characters and going to conventions.  You also know that I am not a racist, sexist or biggeted person.  With that being said I have a few problems with furries.  Furries, in case you don't know are people who put on animal costumes or something similar not only for the purpose of having sex but just to walk around.  My problem does not come from me thinking it's gross...it is in fact the same problem I have with christians (for the most part).  Keep it to your damned selves!  if someone want to practice whatever it is you do in the privacy of your own home, or in a convention of like minded individuals, that's great.  I wish them the best of luck.  But that's not enough.  They want to go out and spread the joy they've found with everyone.  For those of you who think I'm talking out of my ass, the word evangelist translates into 'bringer of good news'  They seem to be under the illusion that everyone around them will see how much fun they're having and want to join in the party!  If the previos paragraph offends you and you happen to be a furry, ask yourself, 'have I ever gone out in public in costume?'  if the answer is no, then this doesn't apply to you and you can take delight in the following story like everyone else can.

I attended animania, a cosplay gathering at the local mall put on by suncoast every so often.  Some drama went down and alot got resolved but I won't go into that.  Of course there was one furry there.  Furries seem to be under the illusion that all anime geeks like myself are potential furries because if you look closely there are very few anthromorphic characters.  Usually it's just a talking animal, an animal with magic powers, an animal who turns into a human or a human with very slight anime features.  This of course leaves out catgirls who I do not consider any kind of furries.  My obsession with catgirls aside, I've lost my train of thought.  Ah yes.  After the party the group went to play laser tag.  Here's where the fun starts.

Our friend the furry stood in line like a normal person...or at least a normal person in a giant suit.  When he gets to the front of the iline they explain that he cannot go in dressed like that.  He  then procedes to pitch a fit abouthow unfairly he's being treated and how this place discriminates against those of different cultures.  There are four things I'd like to point out at this time.

1)  the laser tag vest wouldn't fit over his helmet
2)  the vest wouldn't fit over his suit
3)  if he experts himself to much in that costume he might suffer heat stroke
4)  the suit is white!!!  he'll light up like a christmas tree!

The logical thing to do here would be to go out to the car, change into street clothes and walk back in and no one would look at him twice.  But of course the first thing he does is remove the helmet.  So now we're all waiting to play laser tag and he's trying to convince us that we should all walk out in a show of furry rights.  No one, and I mean no one took him seriously.  Later on I explained to the guy that I wear a trench coat, sunglasses and sometimes care a briefcase.  I am frequently called a terrorist, asked if I have a sawed off shotgun in my coat or have planted any bombs yet.  Do I complain about it?  no.  Do I ask someone to make him give me an apology?  no.  Why not?  because I know that in normal places I'm the one dressed funny.  What I am trying to prove is that the insides don't match the outside.  If someone would get to know me they will find that I am fairly easy to talk to, outgoing andnoncombative (without reason anyway).  But when I put on my trench coat I know how it makes me look and don't expect to be treated normally.  If this guy wan'ts to dress like a purple dinosaur and wave at kids he can, but don't expect to be treated normally afterwards.  This just got me thinking and i thought I'd share.  thank you.

HP mike

My god father and namesake died a month or two back.  I just found out about it last week.  I only have very vague memories of him from when I was five.  I'll start off with a little background.  As many of you know, my fahter has a Dr.  This is a fact he's very proud of and loves to jam down my throat on occasion.   When he went to school his accademic advisor was Dr. Rollin Lassider.  He is also a published author.  He was a brilliant and very devout man.  Since I last met him he converted from episcaple (sp?  cause I have no idea) to catholic.  I don't know alot about his family except to say that one of his children is in thier mid 30s and is now an ordained minister.  

My psych of woman teacher, who I have a number of problems with, once said she went to some huge conference and met up with her accademic advisor and got to meet her academic advisor's accademic advisor and what a big deal it was.  After class we were talking and she asked me if I fully understood the complicated relationship between a student and thier accademic advisor.  I first poitned out that my advisor right now is in his 70s and very little help to me asside from getting my pen number every semester.  Then I pulled out my student ID which reads 'Michael R' then my last name which I don't feel comfortable posting online.  I then told her that my father's accademic advisor was Rollin Lasider and asked her if she would like to venture a guess as to what the R stands for.  As I understand it Dr Lasider once said to my father, 'it's a family  name and i didn't give it to one of my kids.'  And the rest is history.  One of his kids did go on to father a Rollin Lasader the fourth, which is kinda cool.  My father is a 'the second'  and I highly doubt there will be a 'the third'

Well, that was a nice ramble.  Still, when I heard that the man had died I just felt bummed out for a little while.  I always thought I might one day get to meet the guy I'm named after in my adult life and maybe learn something about myself.  Another thing that might have done it was that dad prroceeded to tell stories from his college days about how he and the other students used to go to his teacher's house after class and just talk shop for hours and develope a relationship.  You can imagine that ECU has NOTHING like this.

I'm going to try to go back to sleep, this clearly had no point to it.  so, um, a dear friend of the family died, take from it what you will
g'night

Heartless/Mike

I don't normally do these.  My usual phylosophy is to like what I like, try and share and if people don't like it I respect thier choices and play something else.  I just had a few comments to make on the new disturbed album.  For those of you who are considering buying it *cough*  I can't even type that with a straight face.  Some of these songs especially sparked my interest.  so, let's have a look.

Inside the fire - this was the first release from this album and it made me happy at first.  The theme here is that Draiman's girlfriend killed herself.  At first this worried me because we all saw what happened when his father died; the believe album, which was decent speed metal but sucked as an album and was very preachy.  If I wanted to hear about how I'm probably going to hell unless I find god I'd go throw rocks at the crazy guy who preaches at ECU.  The only saving grace about the believe album was that he didn't say, 'find jesus'  he said, 'find something' which is a better idea then just, 'there is one way to do this.'  Back to the album; In the song he is singing as the devil to himself asking, 'what would you do to get her back?'  and that's an interesting question.  I especially liked the part where between versus he whisperes, 'do you hate me?' which can be taken as a taunt or a phylosophical question.  Either way you look at it, I love the way he laughs maniacally at the start of the song.

Facade - spelled with the letter C that has the little thing at the bottom of it which fucks up most standard word documents.  This song has quickly become one of my favorites.  Similar to never again by nickleback and face down by red jumpsuit apparatus, this is a song about an abused woman.  the facade being the woman's efforts to cover up the problem from those around her while the abuse continues.  With my ever present white knight syndrome I am naturally a sucker for these kinds of songs, especially when the ending envolves murder.  Since this ties so much into my last post I'm just going to drop it...after posting some of the lyrics 

Her eyes
Encircled in
Black again
I cant believe that
She's still with him

For how long will you try?
How long until you walk away?
Your facade can't disguise
The fact that you're in misery.


Haunted - now we're talking.  there are probably several ways to look at this song.  The one I chose was about giving into hate and negative feelings.  Those of you who know me know that there are days I can damn near spit venom from being so bitter and full of hate, and damnit there are days I like it that way.  I always had this theory that we could understand music without actually knowing the words.  This seems to be one of those.  Don't get me wrong, it didn't get me to change my ways or anything but it sure felt good to scream while I'm driving somewhere.  That's the majority of why I listen to disturbed anyway, and I was getting tired of singing the lyrics to 'monster' anyway.

Your beaten so am I
I've got a heart of stone
No medication can cure what has taken hold

Your frightened so am I
A world of demons wait
Watching our movements and filling my heart with hate

It's so nice to see that disturbed can still write lyrics.  Every band seems to have a peak then you have that one album thats, 'not as good as the last one'  then it's kinda downhill and the sickness was a really good album.  This one just had a personal touch to it.

Indestructable - the title track and oh my god I'm tired of these.  Ever since the dixie chicks, artists have been torn between, 'we hate bush' and 'we support our troops'  I'm reminded of the simpsons when Homer put a lobster in a fish tank and when lisa remarks that lobsters need salt water while fish need fresh water he begins pouring salt and water into the tank.  When it's more salt the fish die and when it's more freshwater the lobster dies so he finds a balance till they are both half dead...which is kinda what this song did.  The last album had such tracks as 'diafy' and 'land of confusion' which were obvious anti bush songs.  I guess somewhere they lost a few of thier republican listeners and said, 'oh crap, we have to make a song about supporting our troops so people don't think we're terrorists.'  I assure you it is quite possible to both hate bush and support our troops without screaming them both at the top of your lungs.  To me, it's pandering and it sucks.  The song by itself is pretty good, as long as you don't pay attention to the lyrics.  I think the democratic party leader in 2004 failed to grasp this concept.  Ah well. 

stricken, the sickness, just stop and stupify - I always hated it when bands tack on live tracks to thier albums.  First off, the album looses a feeling of cohesion if several tracks randomly have the audience cheering and the lead singer saying something cocky into the mic before the baseline starts.  The only time I think this is a good idea is if perhaps it's a greatest hit album and they want to give the listener a taist of what's to come, of if one of the live tracks takes the song in a new or different direction.  And for the record, I do enjoy live albums sometimes, linkin park live in texas for example does different things to several of thier songs and even relives some of the B-sides and early work fans of the band might not know about.  Still, stringing on a few live tracks to me just says, 'we couldn't come up with two more songs and it's lunch time...here you go.'

Still a damn fine album.

My favorite part of getting ready for a con...  This is the week leading up to AZ when all the shit starts to go wrong.  I have a fairly simple costume this year.  I've already field tested it and it works great.  My specialty is the props anyway.  This is really the time when I start to realize, 'hey, i'm going to a con soon.'   I also wanted to take this moment to announce that I have a new laptop with a bunch of spiffy features, including but not limited to a webcam and built in speakers.  so, here's how the quality is...
first, me during the construction process.
http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd288/Heartlessprime/Snapshot_20080519_1.jpg
and now the completed work
http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd288/Heartlessprime/Snapshot_20080520.jpg
and in case everyone thinks i'm going to play phoenix wright traditionally, well, you're wrong
http://i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd288/Heartlessprime/Snapshot_20080520_1.jpg
as you can imagine I intend to be drunk for at least part of this con.

now, there are two things I'd like to take a moment and talk about.  First, why do i go to these crazy things and why do I dress up?
Sonce AZ 01 when I first went in dressed as trowa barton from gundam wing.  I basically flipped my hair and put on a turtle neck, big fucking deal.  Getting my picture taken was kinda fun but i saw some amazing shit and I thought, I can make that too.  I pride myself as a craftsman and an artist.  I have done some pretty neat things in my time.  And there are people in this circle who are damn near famous.  And, I get to act and geek out in a way I can't do normally.  And since I've been going since 01 I know the layout of the hotel and the grounds pretty damn well.  that place is my home.  There I can do anything and know anyone, it's one of the few places in the world I feel at peace...which links me to my next paragraph.

I have three rules.
1)  I know alot of people who don't get along with eachother.  If any drama breaks out, I will walk away.  You will not ruin my weekend.  I have alot of people to hang out with and I will not have my time monopolized.
2)  no more mister nice guy.  I am sick and tired of being everyone's dormatt when I try and be helpful.  I'll help out with the drunk problems, look for people depending on how bored I am but I am through sacrificing myself to make other people happy.
3)  If I am talking to a girl, please do not assume that I will be dating her in twenty four hours.  It has been said before that I am pretty much ruled by my heart...not my dick.  I spend eighteen hours a day being reamed by my friends for mistakes I have made in the past...ALL the mistakes and I am getting tired of being hounded.  If you would like to walk up and say hi that's fine but if you start dropping phrases like, 'your girlfriend mike'  or 'your daughter mike'  I will DESTROY you.  For one weekend a year let me just have fun.
THANK YOU.

also there is another tradition that I tend to do every year, that is headphone mike's gospil hour by the pool friday night.  It happens every year, at a random time on a random day.  Someone will be by the pool with me and need to talk.  If you see me by the pool and I'm not in a bathing suit, please leave me alone.   It's nothing personal, and it's not work.  It's a sacred bond I have with another person and it usually affects the course of the next year.

I'll see you there, expect a long post con blog about whatever nightmare I've gotten myself into.
Heartless

I had my laptop back for a whole day after writing that last post before it fried again.  this time it didn't burn through the case but the corner where the start bar is superheated to the point that if you look across the screen down into it you can see the fire.  The screen is now inoperable...I wonder why.  My original plan was to walk into best buy with my trademark papershreader and see how many geek squad neckties i could get before a manager asked what was wrong.  My father offered to go with me to lend his experteese in computers...what that means is he wanted to do all the talking and keep me from flying off the handle.  Apparently he's already called them and made arrangments.  -.-  spoiling my fun.  There are reasons why I can't go into best buy crossroads anymore, mainly involving that paper shreader.  I'm sitting downstairs in the computer lab with people looking over my shoulder, and i probably won't be on very often in the next few weeks, for this and for finals.
It's ironic that south park had an epesode about there being no internet and everyone was panicing.  -.-  yeah.  It's harder then it looks.

yours.  truely
Heartless 

Okay, at my local roleplay group, werwolf to be specific, there is a character who has found a way to grade on my nerves in and out of character.  Her name is Brittany.  She is a kinfolk (a human who lives in a werwolf society) originally a glasswalker (a city oriented technology friendly werwolf) who somehow got claimed by the get of fenris (norse angry werwolves).  Since my character is also a get of fenris she talks to me alot.  She is a valley girl.  So the word like comes up in conversation alot.  At one game, for fun, i had a clicker and hit the button everytime she used the word like impropperly in a sentence.  for example, 'i like ice cream' would not warrent a click.  In a half hour she racked up well over 50.  Now, before anyone goes thinking this is my bitching online about a roleplaying game I choose to attend every so often, it isn't.  I respect her tallent as a roleplayer and would never keep her from playing it.  Games like this need friction in character.  This is background so when i finish telling you this story you'll understand where i'm coming from.

In my psychology of woman class we recently discussed physical changes into adulthood which warrented our teacher to ask, 'at what point did you realize you were becoming an adult?'  which prompted every woman in the class to tell thier, 'my first period' story.  This scared me alot.  Not really an impending doom feeling, but certainly an awkward moment.  One girl began talking and instantly had me wanting to put a gun to my head in the idea that she could one day reproduce.  She was discussing her first period and the kind of birth control she currently takes and what it does to her hormonally.  I was keeping count with marks on my notebook paper and she averaged 5  'like's a sentence.  FIVE!!!  It hurt my brain.  Then later that week she mentioned something about people moving from massachusetts to boston for gay marrages and divorces.  This is literally what Lewis Black said about hearing something so stupid your brain shuts down.  She has probably heard me and some of my surrounding classmates snickering at her when she talks, if she confronts me about it I have a plan as to what I'm going to do.  Now, for any valley girls who want to read this, i'm going to put into a language you can understand.  translation to follow.


[dits]
Okay, so like, at my local roleplay group, totally werwolf btw, there is like a character who has totally found a way to like get on my nerves in and out of character.  Her name is like Brittany or something.  She's like a kinfolk (a human who totally lives in like a werwolf society) originally i think glasswalker (like a city totally technology friendly werwolf) who somehow like got claimed by the get of fenris (norse angry werwolves, like those boys at the mall you totally dont talk to).  Since my character is like, totally a get of fenris she like talks to me alot.  She's like a valley girl or something.  So the word like, like comes up in conversation like alot.  At one game, like for fun, i had this clicker thing and like hit the button like everytime she used the word like impropperly in a sentence.  Like, for example, 'i like ice cream' would totally not warrent a click.  In a half hour she like racked up well over 50.  Now, like, before anyone goes thinking this is like my bitching online about a roleplaying game I totally choose to attend every so often, it totally isn't.  I totally respect her tallent as like a roleplayer and like I would never keep her from like playing it.  Games like this totally need friction in character.  This is like background so when i finish telling you this story you'll totally understand where i'm like coming from.


In like my psychology of woman class we totally discussed like physical changes into adulthood which like warrented our teacher to ask, 'at what point did you realize you were becoming an adult?'  which totally got every woman in the class to tell thier like, 'my first period' story.  This like scared me alot.  Not really like an impending doom feeling, but totally an awkward moment.  One girl like began talking and instantly like had me wanting to like put a gun to my head in the idea that she could like one day have babies.  She was totally discussing her first period and like the kind of birth control she's totally takes and what it like does to her hormonally.  I was totally keeping count with marks on like my notebook paper or something and she like averaged 5  'like's a sentence.  It like, totally hurt my brain.  Then later that week she like mentioned something about people like moving from massachusetts to like boston for gay marrages and divorces and stuff.  This is like, totally what Lewis Black said about like hearing something so stupid your brain like shuts down.  She like has probably heard me and some of my peeps snickering at her when she like talks, if she confronts me about it I totally have a plan as to what I'm going to do.  [/dits]

okay, if you read all this give yourself a cookie for not blowing your brains out.  I know I wanted to kill myself after writing it.  I assure you this will not be a regular thing.  I seem to have alot of excess bile lately and i'm trying to find more healthy ways of releasing it and unluckily i can't work out because I over extended a muscle in my back.  go me.

HPmike

 So after Syl's going away party friday night I realized alot of things about myself...which I am keeping to myself.  Ha, you thought this was going to be one of those personal rants.  Anyway, I've become addicted to Frisky Dingo on cartoon network.  At first I found it very random and hard to follow.  If you miss one epesode you're fucked.  However it was explained to me that among other things, the show is a nonstop catchphrase generator.  For example, up untill that night I had no idea where I got the phrase, "son of a WHORE!" from.  But now I know.  It was Killface.  Such other catchphrases you'll soon be hearing in casual conversation from me include, but are not limited to...
"Put on the rape wig!"
"Harumph"
"what is that, cat party?"
"You would not believe the day I have"
"I don't have insurance"
and of course, "Boosh!"
also if I answer my phone, "GO TIME" you'll know I have not been taken over by terrorists or the ghost of speed racer.  My old hilarious things to say while answering the phone, "Joes fire station, you light em we fight em" and "Pokemon fan club pika pika" have gotten old over the years, though they can still occasionally catch someone off guard I feel my humor needs to evolve.  so, random crazyness.

In an unrelated story sometime last week I was at the club with my drink relaxing when I noticed that the girl next to me was being hugged all over by a guy she didn't know.  I wondered, "wow, they must be dating."  I soon realized that wasn't the case.  I overheard her conversation that she was avoiding giving her last name because she didn't want him finding her on facebook.  I felt a sudden urge to be the hero.  It's my nature after all, and try as I may to break it, for the moment, I am what I am.  I pretended to be a friend from her high school.  she mouthed her name to me and i got it in two guesses.  I proceded to distract the drunk frat boy and finally walk her to her car safely.  Did I get anything out of it you ask?  of course not, well, a kiss on the cheek.  This girl has had plastic surgery five times since she was out of high school, she told me so.  And that scares me.  I mean, I have my share of body imaging problems but holy crap that's a whole new level.  It just got me thinking about how many people went through the same crap in high school and how they are handling it.  It's kinda crazy to think that i'm on the higher end of the spectrum.  ah well.  That's all for now

Heartless

PS dear bones, there is a raven black rape wig and a black sharpey of doom waiting for you this weekend, you know how I feel about thin girls with black hair.  Boosh!

 Okay, as some of you know, since our incredibly successful Myazaki night for the previos two weeks we have no people, thats right, zero.  Just me sitting on the projector playing red vs blue out of boredom.  This week will be different I said.  Cause this week someone will show up.  no problem.  When I walk through that door the room won't possibly be abandoned, cause that shit doesn't happen three times in a row.  You're all waiting for it right?  Good.  This week was the ecu birthday bash so they booked my room from 8 am to 11 pm, as in I'm not going through that door in the first place.  The club is dying and I don't know how to fix it.

Bones, we're still doing our thing friday, call me after 2pm, i'll try to be by my phone.

if one more bad thing happens this week there will be some SERIOUS virgin sacrifices.

Heartless

ps  why the FUCK does my little emotagoth look retarded?